How The “Get to” Habit Creates Cultures of Gratitude

Are you a “get-to” person or a “got-to/have-to” person? I start many of my presentations with a PowerPoint that shows the terms “get to” and “got to/have to” with a mark through the terms “got to/have to.” I share that while we will cover lots of material, if there is one action I hope they leave with, it is using the term “get to” versus “got to” and/or “have to.”

I then ask them to recall what they thought about—and might have told others about—coming to the session they are sitting in. Did each person think or say, “I’ve got to go,” or, “I have to go?” Or did they say, “I get to go?” There are grins, and it is evident who the “got-to-go” and “have-to-go” people are. I share that my goal is that when they leave, they will be “get-to” people.

My observation is that some individuals can get into the habit of talking more about what is wrong than what is right. When they come home, they are more likely to share that they were in a traffic jam and talk about what a miserable ride it was. If this is not the case, the person will not run in and say, “What a magical ride I had! I hit all green lights, and everyone was driving wonderfully.”

It’s this kind of negativity that leads to “got to” and “have to” thinking. It spreads to others and colors the environment we’re in, whether we’re at home or at work.

In my experience, most organizations unintentionally create “got to” and “have to” cultures. I’ve got to complete the budget in time. I have to attend these meetings. These words are so commonplace, they have become the norm. Yes, there are times when saying “got to” or “have to” works. Yet replacing these words with “get to” creates a positive impact. The language we use is so powerful.

When a leader says they “get to” to do something, the staff hear a more positive message. And at a time when it is not easy to find staff who want to be managers, it helps position the role of a leader more positively. “I get to go to the department meeting,” or, “I get to be part of the budgeting process,” or, “I get to attend skill-building sessions,” or, “I get to share what is working in my work area with others.” Yes, there are still those “got-to” and “have-to” moments; however, they can be reduced by being a “get-to” person.

“Get to” is the language of empowerment. When a person says “got to” or “have to,” it subconsciously creates victim thinking. Early in my talks, I sometimes ask if anyone is in the room due to a court order. I ask, “Is your community service being a leader in healthcare?” The point is that each person made the choice to accept the job, fill the role, and work in the place they are working in. We get to work. We get to make a difference.

There is a sense of gratitude and enthusiasm when we work and live in a “get to” culture. These emotions, like negative emotions, are contagious. No matter what your role—where you work or where you live—it is a “get-to” opportunity.

When I speak to groups I often suggest: “Take time to ask those around you why they work there. Brainstorm how to make it a place others will want to work. Then produce ways to share the positives. It is important to be authentic, and sometimes changes are needed. However, you and the staff are smart. And you work in the department. Carry a positive message.”

My suggestion is to start with yourself. Are you more of a got to or have to thinker, or a get to thinker? Assess how you speak to yourself and others.  Notice if you are using the words “got to” or “have to.” Substitute the words “get to.”

Try it this week and see how it works. Make it a new habit. It will override the old one and start the rewiring of your brain in a positive way. Your actions will follow your thoughts, and you might even see a shift in those around you.

Do not be surprised if the things you thought were a “got to” become much better when you start saying “I get to.” From big actions to small ones, the “get to” habit makes a difference in how you experience your life. In recovery, I attend meetings. For years, I would think, I have to go to the noon meeting. Once I moved to, I get to go to the noon meeting, it changed things. So even on the personal side, “get to” works.

I find that our level of gratefulness shows up in the words we choose. I also find using the words get to has a positive impact on others. When people hear get to, they are much more likely to see that action as positive. You might even see a shift in those around you. Everyone becomes more grateful. That is a good thing.

We in healthcare are the lucky ones. We get to do meaningful work, to help people heal, to save lives, to make the world a better place.

Thank you to all the “get to” people out there who are making workplaces and communities better.

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 About Quint Studer

Quint is the coauthor (with Katherine A. Meese, PhD) of The Human Margin: Building the Foundations of Trust, a leadership resource that combines the latest workplace research findings with tactics proven to help people and organizations flourish. His book Rewiring Excellence: Hardwired to Rewired provides doable tools and techniques that help employees and physicians find joy in their work and enhance patients’ and families’ healthcare experiences. His book The Calling: Why Healthcare Is So Special helps healthcare professionals keep their sense of passion and purpose high. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries.

Quint is the cofounder of Healthcare Plus Solutions Group®, a consulting firm that specializes in delivering customized solutions to diagnose and treat healthcare organizations’ most urgent pain points.